Shared Experiences

You're not alone. Here's a selection of personal stories and experiences shared with Suffragents from our followers.

 

If you're a man who has been the victim of domestic abuse/violence, been through the pains of divorce or separation, a father who's had to fight for the rights to see his children, suffered from or witnessed inequality, or have a personal experience you would like to share, contact us.

 

 

 

02 Jul 2016

Anon

 "My ex is also a narcissist and tried her hardest to alienate my kids from me. She thought she could uproot my kids from school and take them to England. We live in Scotland. I had to get a interdict out to stop her trying to relocate my kids school to England. She moved to England a few months ago to live with her new man and start her new job. The kids had been left with their gran who lives less than 300 yards from me. During this time I wasn't allowed access and phone calls and texts weren't returned. When it went to court I won temporary residence of my kids. The judge accused her of parental alienation. There is a full custody hearing at the end of the month. My ex also states that I have no chance of winning custody. My lawyer tells me that I have a very good chance of winning. During the past four months which I've had my kids. My narcissistic ex has had it dragged through court on 3 other occasions. She tried to get residency of the kids back. She tried to stop me taking them on holiday. Tried to claim my girlfriend was unfit to look after them. My girlfriend is a social worker!  She lost all of them. My advice to you would be to fight her at every turn. You cannot reason with these people. Go no contact with her, only speak if it's about the kids. Most important advice I got was to keep a diary of events and keep all nasty texts and emails. Keep your head up keep fighting and don't let the b**** drag you down." 

Suffragents: " Notice please, that the Judge said that the ex was exercising Parental Alienation, and that secondly, this man’s new partner is one of the good Social Workers"

02 Jul 2016

Anon

 "I took my ex to court and represented myself (with my solicitor acting as an advisor in the days leading up to the hearings and sorting all the papers). My ex didn't turn up, probably due to the large weight of evidence against her and the fact my son (then just turned 9) had finally become strong enough to fight back and escape (through a window) from her. I was given a full residential order, and in the three years since then my son has gone from average and disruptive student to a high school student in the top set for all subjects and excelling at maths/languages. I have coached him at tennis and he has become a super player. I work during school hours and enjoy being a lone parent. But I know I am a lucky man for things to have happened in this way. Previous to my successful court case there had been six years of war between myself and my alcoholic ex. I was a victim of domestic violence and violent crime, and my son suffered neglect and abuse from her and her family. My advice to all fathers is to never give up. Always be happy for your kids. And remember that they will grow up and make up their own minds as to where they have a bedrock of love and support." 

Suffragents: " I just wish that those who are the protectors of children in our Family Court System would heed what fathers say to protect the paramount interests of children. Commentators that say that all men are unsuitable should also heed the words of a ‘True’ parent."

27 Jun 2016

Anon

 "I just wanted to share with you that I had massive win in the criminal court the other week for my children. I'd been assaulted by my wife last year and in doing so she broke the court order which was in place. But she had broken it on a number of times but believed she hadn't, my legal team seemed to side step the matter when it happened, because they said it was in my best interest not to bring it in front of the family court judge, that it may be deemed as I was causing trouble. But in the criminal court case my estranged wife's barrister accused me that I had made the whole thing up because it had never been brought in front of the family courts regarding her actions. My estranged wife was found guilty of assault and of breaking the court order in place at that time. I feel let down by my legal team as this whole family court stuff went on for nearly 2 years and at the end of it my wife give me what I'd want from the very start, she made false allegations broke court orders basically done everything in her power to slow things down. Police,social services and the pps where involved which stopped me from seeing my kids for nearly 4 weeks, in which she moved my kids from nurseries to new one. The social services and the rest were happy that my children were safe with me but it really knocked me for 6 as all I've ever wanted was to have a relationship with my kids, that was the reason I left my wife. There was a massive write up in my local paper, things were said which were lies about me and it had been proven in family court, I'd started recording audio on hand overs and during phone calls to protect myself which I'd be told in the family court I shouldn't be doing, well the criminal court judge was very happy that I'd been recording be the whole audio of the assault was recorded and which involved my wife dragging my 3 year old son from the car and he was heard screaming in fear, that sealed it for the judge.

I'd just like to ask something about my legal team and estranged wife, I feel I was let down really badly by my legal team which I now have a massive bill from them but also with my wife having trailed myself through court with everything she had said and made up, where do I go to now? Could I have something against my Legal team and my wife?" 

Suffragents: " We are pleased that a Criminal Court was more interested in the welfare of the child rather than a Family Court and its supporters.

We believe that any allegations of a crime should be forensically tested and not left to those who have vested interests in harming children for ideological reasons.

 

Generally, the Secret Family Courts award resident parenting to women without understanding that men can frequently be the better parent and many women constantly are in contempt of court with denying contact arrangements and telling lies. Why are the Courts so emasculated???"

09 Jun 2016

Anon

"I have to keep this brief because I'm massively busy but I think it's important to share and I would like you take it and place it on Suffragents - but with no names, to protect my children. They did not get divorced.

 

Why are our courts so under the jackboot of SOME women?????

 

Many men have to be LIP and now even McKenzie Friends are in danger because of The Law Society who will do a Pontious Pilate when a man commits suicide because he cannot cope and get a fair hearing. He will not have the money to pay for Solicitors, so he gives up!!!

 

My Story...

 

I have been involved in family law proceedings for years. Ever since I split from the mother of my non-resident kids. As a litigant in person I'd generally done quite well and it seemed that although the court didn't really take on the evidence available, didn't really look hard enough to see that the root cause of the conflict was mother's objection to contact, they did see that my requests were not unreasonable, and they did, at least on face value, seem to be giving the best interest of the kids priority. I went from no contact, to daytime contact, to overnight and additional holiday contact. The perfect scenario. The ideal.

 

It certainly hasn't been an easy process. I remember clearly how I'd thought about the impact that ending the relationship would have on my contact with the kids. I accepted that I would become a part time parent but given the arguments that seemed to take place so heatedly, so regularly, it seemed better that the kids should enjoy happy time with their parents separately, than to be raised in an environment of bickering and shouting. I did have an inkling of what would happen, but at that time I still had some faith in my former partner acting in the best interest of the kids. No. That wasn't going to happen.

 

I look back on how my former partner used every possible excuse to block contact. I look back and remember the feeling of helplessness. The delays as I went over every hurdle in my effort to 'do the right thing'. Trying to communicate, trying to resolve issues through reasonable discussion, trying to arrange the mediation that never happened. I remember the weeks went by. The months went by, as my former partner took the dictatorial stance on whether I should be allowed contact with the children I loved more than anything else on this world, and always ended up agreeing to nothing more than crumbs in the most unsuitable circumstances. I remember the tears that flowed down my face every time I thought about it. I remember the tears that flowed down my face as I broke down in front of my line manager. I remember the tears that flowed down my face as I drove along the M1, making my way home after work. I still remember how it became hard to see through the tears. I remember how I would see large vehicles, lorries, and how I would imagine myself driving under them. And then I remember how the tears would flow even harder as I thought about the impact this would have on my family, my friends. I remember the pain. I remember how I was so desperate to find a way to end it. I remember that had it not been for my support network I wouldn't be here now. 

 

But I am here. I am here and I fought through every hearing, fought off every false allegation made in my former partner's desperate effort to cut me out of the lives of the kids I love so dearly. I fought through supervised contact, daytime contact, overnights and holidays. I fought and I made it. 

 

But I didn't. It didn't end. With the court supporting my applications for contact despite the opposition of my former partner, she had to find a new way to achieve what she wanted and the signs soon became apparent. Suddenly the children were telling me that they didn't want contact as per the order, they wanted less. They didn't want 3 nights at the holiday. They wanted 1 night. I asked why. The response was always because it was what their mother wanted. I challenged her about coaching the kids. She denied it. Then the kids started to announce that they'd been told to keep secrets. I challenged her about telling them to keep secrets and suddenly, they were announcing that 'secrets' were a game. I started to see massive changes in their behaviour, their ill-discipline, suddenly refusing affection, and always, always, these changes came back to something their mother had said. Some instruction they had been given. 'Mummy says not to hug Daddy', 'Remember Mummy will reward us if we're naughty'. So many words were heard through the monitor when they felt they could discuss what their mother was telling them, not knowing I could hear every word. So, it didn't end and back to court I went. But oh no. There was to be no fair hearing this time. There was to be no examination of the evidence. There was to be hearing after hearing where the onus was not on the mother coaching, but was on my criticism of her. I was on trial. CAFCASS took no interest in investigating the concerns I raised. Concerns of both emotional and physical abuse. CAFCASS failed to investigate any one concern and made no reference to any when reporting back to the court and advising the judge that the conflict is affecting the kids, mother is great, father can't accept the expert reports.

 

So where am I now. Silenced. I know the children are suffering massive harm that could affect them not just now, but a lifetime. I know that I must jump through every hoop put in front of me, regardless of whether the hoop is there for some make believe, nonsense reason. I know that I must not criticise the mother regardless of the evidence available to justify my concern. I am helpless. I am powerless to stop the abuse of the children and can place no reliance on those employed to ensure their best interest.

Those employed, supposedly to ensure the best interest of the children, to act without bias, to be impartial, have shown clear prejudice and have shown clearly that their interest is not in protecting the children, but is instead to protect the relationship between mother and child.

So where am I now. Turmoil. Distress. Anxiety. Only a few days after yet another hearing I write not just to tell you about a shocking experience of the family law system, but to tell you that as I sat in that court, helpless, powerless to protect the children I would die for, I imagined how I could slit my wrists. I imagined how I would stand, blood flowing down over my hands, bleeding dry. I looked up at the blinds in the waiting room windows. I noted the draw cords hanging down. I imagined myself, draw cord tight around my neck as I hung from them. I imagined these things knowing that there was no way out. Knowing that I had imagined the same before and knowing that I could not, would not, do this. No matter how great my pain, I knew that I had so much to live for. Did I really want to end it? The pain, yes. Life, no. Lucky me. What if I didn't have a family to live for? What if I didn't have such a strong circle of friends. What if I didn't have the hide of a rhino and a very well built box to store these emotions away? What then? Would I be another statistic. Maybe talking would help. Maybe men should talk more. Or maybe people should start to realise that many men kill themselves not because of an unwillingness to talk. Not because of an underlying mental health issue. But because in so many ways, society has taken away so much, and even takes away their children. The children they would die for. Takes away their ability to protect those children. The children they love more than anything else on this world.

 

I'll survive. A great eye for the positives but always behind my smiles, behind any expressed joy, there is a sadness that I must carry and I don't think that will ever go away, although I hope the box will eventually be buried so deeply it no longer gets given thought.

 

I wanted to write this to you, because this is the reality. This is the life that I have been."

 

07 Jun 2016

Philip M

"Grief is the overriding emotional response. In my case the four things most precious to me in all the world have been taken from me by this completely inequitable system that allows and I believe encourages lies. For three years my life has been turned upside down and my ability to survive these intense and foreboding feelings is lessened every day. It's a battle between "one day my kids will need me" and "how can I bear to wait that long". This grief manifests itself in so many ways and day to day functioning is so hard which as others have said is used as a stick to beat you down to say how can you be a father when you can barely look after yourself. My kids were my life and they were taken away from me. Almost every day I ask that question of myself that anyone experiencing grief will ask themselves... What's the point of going on in this world when your world is gone? Hope seems impossible, and grief is very much a black hole that you can't find a way out of. I don't want revenge. I don't want to shift balance of power in my favour. I don't hate my ex. She is the mother of my children. But the system provides better support if she lies and evidence is not required as there is no forum to defend against the allegations. I know lots of guys going through similar difficulties, it's happening too often to be a coincidence and I don't believe that women as a whole are bad people. It the system that is to blame not necessarily the women taking advantage of it."

Tony C: "Well said Phillip. Yes it's almost impossible to go on but we must so we can be there in our children's future, waiting at the gates as they are released from their prison. We can then spend the rest of our lives making up for lost time. Don't forget your grandchildren need their granddad to be a big part of their lives too!"

 

18 May 2016

Simon C

"[Concerning Social Service] I complained but they investigate themselves so I got nowhere they put in 7 reports to the courts that I have a known history of domestic violence with the police that I was or am a registered alcoholic with the d.w.p and I attend meetings with alcoholics anonymous and I'm on medication from my GP for alcohol abuse I was stopped from seeing my kids by the courts for 2 years I begged and pleaded with social services to check with the police d.w.p my doctor and the a.a whether the social worker had spoken to them as I knew she had not I've never been in trouble with the police for anything I've never been on any medication from my GP for alcohol abuse I was a registered carer with the d.w.p I was caring for my dying father and I don't even know were a.a in my town is. They promised me they would check on the very few occasions they would speak to me but never did and just copied and pasted every report for court with the same lies in them 3 investigations all claimed they had done nothing wrong and I won just weekend contact after a year and a half my ex then ignored the order and after 2 years I managed to get a CAFCASS Safety Check done on myself as part of a enforcement order that proved everything social services had said about me was made up lies so I have 50-50 care now, but nothing ever happened to the social worker who made up the lies or the social workers who covered for her and refused to do any checks they know they can get away with it because of the secrecy laws I will never know if they did that just to cut corners or did it deliberately for fun because I'm a man and they can."

 

01 Feb 2016

Nigel P

"Ok let's be honest without people or organisations like FNF including FNF-BPM and Suffragents the success I had today in court wouldn't of happened. I couldn't afford a solicitor and I earn ok. But advice given to me made my life so much easier despite the obligatory mud throwing false allegations. Today is a good day for me. But we need to support those that are having a bad day/week/month/year. Just because it's over for me doesn't mean it's over for me to help others. Stick together. Eventually we can change things!"

01 Feb 2016

David J

"TBH, I wouldn't trust any solicitor. In short, just after my son was born in June 2010, I was arrested for various ''allegations'' and ended up with a 4 year restraining order. No previous before this as a gentleman of good character. After a few days of sentencing, I got a Facebook message from my so called previous partner, which says, ''I'm sorry for the lies and allegations my mum made me do it so her side would stick, we only wanted you to do things our way, please forgive me for this''. Now, tried to inform the so called solicitors of this, and also at least 2 police stations in person in Manchester and also a different police force in another area as I have since moved from many miles Manchester, but guess what, they don't want to know and are making it very difficult for me. Also in addition to this a number of other messages from my previous partner which is basically admittance to ''perjury'', and also because the arresting officer on the night of my arrest is still to this date a sergeant within greater Manchester police, who actually booked me in on the night of my arrest. My previous partner later admitted to this and that this was all pre planned and pre meditated. ''Why do you think Chxxx was on duty that night at the police station, to ensure the allegations would stick''. Apart from being wrongly advised by the solicitors to also ''Admit'' to these offences, for which is also unlawful, (Human rights act Schedule 1, Part 1, Article 2, Article 6, Right to a fair trial). The solicitor said '' Probably get told to not do it again and a small fine, nothing more''. Oh, how wrong where they. Also, after sentencing, when I finally saw the statements given by my previous partner, I would like to know how I did some of these things, especially at the time and date I was supposed to have done something, when I was over 200 miles away at my own father’s funeral. I have tried to make the solicitors and police aware of this, but, they just don't want to know. I have had very little contact with my son since he was born, and bit by bit, I have been studying various legal avenues, but, I most certainly NOT ALLOW, a solicitor to act on my behalf. If you can, go and study the legal system and how it works. There are various ''Jurisdictions'' within the courts of the UK, but, you do have to be very cautious and careful, especially when you are perhaps ''Advising'' A Judge on how they should perhaps be doing their job and to the legislation, act's or governance to which you are applying. I have a mountain to climb, I cant yet see the top, but, on the other side is my son. I have been climbing this mountain for many years, and hopefully within the next year or so once I have gathered enough information and knowledge, I will reach the top of the mountain, and there will be my son. Good luck and god bless everybody."

 

01 Feb 2016

Alex S

"Can anyone help me? I haven't been allowed access to see my children for over 2 and a half years. I'm 42, they're both 3 in October this year, twins, boy and a girl. I never wanted a family, not with the mother of my children, because I knew our relationship was a sham and that we wouldn't stay together. Still, I stood by her throughout the pregnancy, went to every scan but one, because I was ill and for that I got shouted at. I was there at the birth of my children, when most dads are too squeamish or consider it not their business, and I just want to see them, hold them, start a relationship, but my ex, her family, and my own have systematically denied me access. I was so that I gave up on life, I tried several times to kill myself, ended up in hospital, ended up homeless and robbed of independence. I was so worried about my health and the intimidation of not being allowed to see my kids, I don't know if something evil has entered my life, keeping me from my kids. I've begged and tried every reasonable suggestion and offer of contact but am met with continued excuses. It's the worst thing that has ever happened and has affected my entire life, my happiness and will to live, of which I have very little left. HELP! PLEASE HELP! I miss them and need to see them and engage with them. ... I try Citizens Advice and all they offer is a loop of useless advice which is complex and off putting. I need direct help and action, now. I am the most loving, caring, hug deprived human I know. It seems that for that reason alone, I am being punished. HELP ME PLEASE! HELP MY CHILDREN HAVE THEIR FATHER! I am suicidal, have been through utter hell, and I feel alone. Please help me, anybody, please!! Thank you."

31 Jan 2016

Nathanael D

"My ex push on a floor twice, punch me, send on me heavy objects plate ashtrays... then when I ask to leave she call woman help because she wanted to stay with crocodile tears. Never touch her help her paid 3k loan and buy a new car worth 5k. Couldn't be home 2 mins late and refuse to help me in anyway. No some woman are as bad if not worse then man. She put me out of having any other relation, still feel for her but that had to stop."

 

31 Jan 2016

Ian W

"Look at the police and crime commissioner for Northumbria if you want to see a support network subsided by tax payers money that effectively hates men and sees male abuse as a distraction from the real issue."

31 Jan 2016

Richard H

"I've not seen my kids for over 6 months, they've been alienated, she doesn't have to work her husband is a millionaire sociopath and moved them all 130 miles away, they've broken no less than 7 court orders with no repercussion... I've given up, and even now I'm still getting probs."

 

30 Jan 2016

Suffragents

When is a father not a father?

 

Even a sperm donor has to pay Child Maintenance!!! Notice the word 'Most'.

 

The Government's Ruling!!! Visit the Gov website for information. 

 

What is parental responsibility?

All mothers and most fathers have legal rights and responsibilities as a parent - known as ‘parental responsibility’.

If you have parental responsibility, your most important roles are to:

- Provide a home for the child

- Protect and maintain the child

 

If you have parental responsibility for a child you don’t live with, you don’t necessarily have a right to contact with them - but the other parent still needs to keep you updated about their well-being and progress.

You’re also responsible for:

- Disciplining the child

- Choosing and providing for the child’s education

- Agreeing to the child’s medical treatment

- Naming the child and agreeing to any change of name

- Looking after the child’s property

 

Parents have to ensure that their child is supported financially, whether they have parental responsibility or not.

 

Now, do you feel helped? Or treated fairly?

 

Jon T: "I pay £500 a month... I see my kids I buy them stuff and yet this seems over the top. I lost my home which was a 4 bed house. Ex said she needed the house yet once I moved out and we were divorced she moved in with Her Boyfriend the one she left me for and cheated on me. Now she rents out my 4 bed ******* joke. The Divorce laws in this Country favour women."

Neil W: "Yeah it's absolutely outrageous. I know many similar stories including my own."

Jon T: "I feel your pain."

Jonathan O: "We all feel your pain, we are all in the same boat our only hope is that like me you meet a fantastic lady who your kids adore and who will make you happy again."

Colin M: "It is the same here too, ex had it all arranged and now she is trying to cut down the time I see my boys, what can we do to change this????"

 

Wayne E: "I think it's time the government clamped down on scheming money grabbing cows that deny access. I'm all for paying for your child but if you're not allowed to see them then I think they should only receive a minimum payment of £40 per week and the child would only benefit from extra earnings if it sees you because you'd spend you're time and money with your child, but it won't change because it's women's world and they are so good at playing the victim and the law and society believe the manipulative scheming devious women that give the few good women a bad name!"

Michelle J: "Not all women are after money! I stopped contact and have been through court for this and the court agreed (abusive not because I'm a a*** ) anyhow I have signed for csa/cms to not chase for money owed (nearly 4 years !) Plus to stop chasing for future payment. I do not want or need his £10 fortnightly and my son certainly doesn't. I have stated if my ex contacts them to pay then to contact me and I will set up an account for that solely. I agree payment and contact doesn't go hand in hand and payment doesn't mean rights to access. Every case is individual even if there are a lot of similarities the issues surrounding payment and access isn't going to go away but maybe there should be other options in place instead of a or b. Don't forget if you have overnight access csa will take that off your payment plan. You can also inform them if you're off on sick as they will reduce payments accordingly. If you do not pay UK tax then csa can not take payments off you."

 

Matt R: "We've all got a story, and there's a common theme. My ex partner contacted the CMS after I stopped the direct pay arrangement we had. They told me how much I should be paying. I informed them (the CMS) about the inadequate care provided by their mum and how they had no right to put a price on my children's heads. I told them not to write to me concerning this and if they did a reply would cost them £150. They didn't listen, so I billed them. I will be taking this to court. I'm fed up of the warmongering, political patheticness practiced by the parties."

Wayne E: "I pay £665.02 per month no access either and she has manipulated my daughter against me to boot too."

Jon T: "I know how you feel. ... I do see my kids but NO WAY DID MY KIDS EVER EVER COST ME £500 a month."  

Wayne E: "It's a killer more so not seeing my daughter as I love her to bits and always made time for her even when I was dog tired and should've been sleeping after doing long shifts gritting all hours etc, took her out instead of sleeping."

Jonathan O: "I do feel for you mate . It's all so unfair I'm so lucky I get to see my youngest daughters every week end and the oldest one live with me . I really hope you can get to see your daughter and you can put your side forward to her."

Wayne E: "Thankyou. I hope I can get to see her, been to court spent over £11,000 solicitors and barristers were useless and didn't have the passion to help me only keep taking my money worked my ass off earning money to pay extortionate legal fees for nothing, only to get battered by csa to pay her even more money for the privilege of her stopping me from seeing my child and having to go to court and all I attained was parental responsibility that's not worth a carrot. I'm glad you get to see your daughters and one lives with you, it gives me hope that one day I'll see my little girl again."

David P: "I paid 600 quid a month for a son that I haven't seen for 20 years. I only stopped paying when he was 19. I spent 2 years and 8 thousand pounds in court and when I won she just moved to the north of Scotland and left no forward details. How is this acceptable?"

Mark S: "I pay £350 a month and despite 5 court orders giving me contact have not seen them in 2 years. My solicitor said you have one big thing against you I'm afraid, you're a man and the Laws here will always favour the woman. That's how it is, I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but its fact."

Neil W: "Your solicitor is semi correct in that the Courts are not really interested in men and have 'toothless' ageing judges. However, I had my ex in Court 6 times. Each time she denied access I took her back to Court. In the end I went for an Enforcement Order and it made my ex jump! As soon as she got the letter saying I was going to go down that route she gave me access. I also threatened Contempt of Court which is custodial. Had no problems with contact since. Go for it. Remind her of the consequences of not complying with the Court Order. Enforcement includes fines, unpaid Community Service, and ultimately prison. It's all on the Warning on Court Orders. Worth a punt."  

Mark S: "Thank you. The only thing is that the court order was my court order, if I did not return them by the right time, I was the one that could be punished, as she had 'custody' of them (I did not have legal counsel at the time and said it was OK for them to live with her- biggest mistake ever) I basically lost my rights, the court order only applied to me and not her."

Andrew P: "I'm still paying £50 a week for an hour a week access."

Ben Laidlaw: "Dogs are treated better."

Jason B: "I pay 40 a week and get no access."

Richard H: "Today, we made an application for a mortgage on our council property, we have the "right to buy", it is a fantastic opportunity for us with a great discount on the value of the property. We had done the "sums" and believe, although tight, we can afford the repayments.We have been refused due to some "small hurdles" we could have resolved, but unfortunately one very big hurdle we can't really see a way around. The maintenance I regularly pay my X wife for our kids is seen as "money owed" and has lost us £50,000 on the application, I really think this Sucks!!! It's a real sign of the times for split/divorced men and the struggles they encounter!! I'm not angry or even particularly upset, I'm just disappointed that my "situation" still affects my new relationship/life so negatively."

30 Jan 2016

Steve B

"It's extremely difficult to tell anyone that your wife is violent, the ridiculous thing is that the violent women would never raise a hand to a man that would hit them back. My ex wife KNEW that I never had and never would hit a women, so regularly punched and threw things at me, but the only time I grabbed her wrist to stop her, she ran to her father to say I had hurt her. He got all aggressive with me until I explained, then when she admitted the punches and said she would do it again, he departed faster than he arrived without condemning her."

 

20 Jan 2016

B E Taylor

"I have just been given custody of my son by the social services. However, during the last 6 months it has taken the arrest of his mum on 3 occasions for drunkenness and violent assault for them to listen to me. During our relationship I was assaulted on more than 1 occasion, and yet everytime it was me who was questioned, and arrested on one occasion. This was despite being bitten on both my arms and my leg like a dog. The arresting female office couldn't believe my injuries and refused to handcuff me, the interviewing officer initially refused to believe me until I showed her my Injuries and then proceeded to call me a disgrace to other men for refusing to press charges. I am a serving fire officer and didn't want my employer or colleagues to find out."

 

05 Jan 2016

Andy C

"Although my divorce was over a decade ago, I still shudder at the antiquated views of the family courts and even my own lawyers when I said that my young kids needed regular contact with me. So much so, that I have written a book about my life (as a novel, with a pen name), in which I talk about the importance of family, kids needing both parents (and so much more). - www.coryystandby.com / www.50coryystandby.com

 

Here's another relevant extract:

 

50! THE LIFE, LOVES & PSYCHE OF A MALE MID-LIFE CRISIS ......

 

Part II

Deaths & Births; Marriage & Divorce

 

‘Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now, it doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine’ (Anonymous)

 

Relations with Lisa were now at an all-time low. The previous arrangements that had worked so well for months suddenly no longer suited her. Cory was aware that her friends and family were constantly stirring the cauldron of hate and bile against him, telling Lisa not to let him have it all – to be fucking his young secretary (or whoever) while still seeing his boys. Their advice apparently was that he shouldn’t be allowed to see his kids as some kind of punishment! Lisa appeared to resist their venom initially, realising that what was best for the boys mattered most. But the drip-drip effect of their pernicious arguments over many months gradually wore her down. She was dating someone new, and perhaps that also meant she needed the dynamics to change. Like Cory, she was also seeing a counselor, seeking to find herself again through all the raw emotion of the collapse of their marriage. That’s how traumatic it was for both of them; almost the equivalent of a death in terms of grief after so long together, after all they had together but was now gone. It was clear that it couldn’t be fixed; it was finished. But they had to still be a large part of each other’s lives for the boys; an almost impossible conundrum, as they needed to move on from each other and start afresh but had the constant reminder of seeing and talking to each other regularly because of their young children. The tightrope they were on was almost snapping under the strain of it all. Naturally, she had been shocked at the explosion between Cory and Susie, which Cory entirely understood. He had too. No doubt a combination of all these factors, the passage of time and need to move on, came together at a time lawyers were heavily involved trying to conclude their divorce. They didn’t seem to help matters at all. Suddenly, what had been amicable, or at least civilised and as cooperative as possible arrangements were changed overnight. A revised contact schedule couldn’t be agreed and tensions were rising between them, both being stubborn lawyers and neither would give way. Matters escalated as the twins’ sixth birthday approached, when she unilaterally declared that he was no longer welcome in the family home at all, ever. Her parents blocked the door to prevent him seeing his kids, who he saw staring in dismay at the scene through the dining room window. Both sides called the police, who attended and clearly had no interest in becoming involved in a (non-violent) domestic argument. He wanted just to go in and see his kids; she announced she was now scared of him and didn’t want him in the house, all very new after his regular access for the previous eight months. Even when he suggested the police come in as well to counter her (alleged) fear, she refused. It was an impasse. Cory was forced to leave. The divorce turned very bitter and ugly for months after that. The worst part for him was no longer being able to see his kids every day. He didn’t particularly care what she said about him, as vicious and vindictive comments are sadly often part of any divorce, but why deprive their boys of their loving dad? While these arguments proceeded through the courts, Cory’s contact was reduced. He refused to accept their suggested alternate weekend arrangements; they wouldn’t countenance any continuation of his daily visits. His own lawyers even told him that his previous contact was unreasonable, as dads didn’t normally want so much contact. How sickeningly unenlightened! Cory was forced to agree to a compromise, whereby he saw the boys a couple of weekday evenings each week and then some convoluted formula about weekend contact, where they stayed over with him two nights one week, and one night the next. All utterly ridiculous.

 

The simple point was that he would never give up his boys, no matter what. Even with an outdated attitude from the courts and his own lawyers (not to mention her dinosaur barrister’s views of minimal contact being acceptable), he swore that he would not give up. He had to agree that he wouldn’t attend the house other than on those specified dates and times to collect the boys, and he no longer went inside. This led to a ludicrous situation where he was one day driving past the family home and saw his boys outside; they saw him too and waved and smiled and shouted, ‘Daddy!’ He obviously stopped, got out, and hugged them at the roadside. They asked when they were seeing him again; he explained that it could only be at the agreed times, which they clearly didn’t comprehend. He said he would sort things as soon as he could. It was heart breaking. The next day, his lawyers received a threatening, aggressive urgent fax from hers, stating that if he saw the boys outside the agreed schedule again, they would apply for injunctions and seek other sanctions against him. His protestations of the innocence of the situation fell on deaf ears, even from his own lawyers, which was typical of how the family courts and matrimonial lawyers dealt with matters a decade or so ago. Cory can only hope that a more enlightened view prevails these days, as it is only the kids who suffer from being deprived of both parents. He knows from discussions he had at the time, in the depths of his despair at the iniquity of the situation, that many men lose their kids in these situations. Often dads would gradually, reluctantly just fade from their kids’ lives in these scenarios, especially if the mum remarries and a stepdad takes over. He vowed he would never allow that to happen between him and his boys. Was this was just his natural father’s instinct, his very stubborn, determined personality, or his innate fear of losing any further loved ones? Probably a combination of all of these, but it made his determination unbreakable that he would never stop being a real dad to his boys. Although he could see how some dads gave up and walked away, feeling they were no longer wanted or loved, he never would. It was no one else’s right to interfere and stop his boys seeing their dad – he would fight the legal system all the way to prove this. Whatever issues he and Lisa had, whatever she thought of him, those were different considerations and should have no bearing on the boys needing their dad. And of course, his need for them."

 

04 Jan 2016

Thomas E

"Whilst I agree with in part Kathryn in shared parenting, etc, etc, the point we are making is that in this real world where women are more guilty of separating the child from the father. The point is here that fathers or men don't have the same rights as women with regards to parental rights, divorce, financial issues etc. In the real world, including my case, the other parent has stopped me seeing my child against the law and the judge whom said I was to have regular contact with my child, it is also against the Geneva Convention in keeping the child away from the father. Financially my ex decided that what my solicitor and I had worked out to pay her based on 15% of my then income, she believing that wasn't enough, greed kicked in and she went to the csa which reduced her award. The fact that she went to the csa meant that I could no longer work overtime or take another job to help me to survive. In September 2014 my ex decided on her own to stop me seeing my child under false allegations of taking money from my daughter's bank account, which she knew was a lie and an excuse yet again to stop me seeing my child. I tried to take my own life because of this. As an ex serviceman I was suffering ptsd and this didn't help, I was almost bankrupted due to taking her through the family court to get access to my child. I'm still paying for it. I took ill and my company stopped my sick pay, leaving me relying on food banks, handouts and help from ex serviceman's associations, only going back to work before Xmas 2015. I didn't see my child that Xmas either, her presents are still sitting on her bed. In the New Year 2015 my health took a dive and I had to be medically retired from work. Throughout all this my ex has been spoken to by police on several occasions about her behaviour, and still she's not been arrested. She has verbally aroused me mother and sisters and threatened violence against my niece who was then 13 years old. She was warned also about her making offensive gestures etc. all in front of my daughter. Again she was not arrested. Social services and the judiciary always take the side of the woman. Men are perceived to be violent or rapists etc. They forget that men can be bullied and have violence meted out to them, as it was to me. Only a month ago my ex tried again to rile me by driving on my tailgate in a residential area and then went on to verbally abuse me and then went into the shop to buy beer and then talk about me and our business in front of strangers. I waved at a mate and she drive back into the car park to further abuse me. She even wrote to the my daughter's teacher saying I was not to have or be involved in my daughter's education. Why? Where does she think she can get off on doing this? The police's answer he doesn't think the courts wouldn't do anything. She has consistently and blatantly flouted the law and got away with it. If I did that I'd be in jail no questions asked. All I want is to see my child and share in her upbringing, there a lot of errant fathers whom don't want nothing to do with their children or women whom only see motherhood as a cash cow or a means to get on the housing list. I love my daughter dearly and want to be involved in her life, but this is being denied me."

 

04 Jan 2016

Suffragents

A comment from a subscriber, that should be held up as a beacon to other Gender Neutral Police Forces. We do not seek that anyone is unduly arrested, but it seems that men are generally the people spending the nights in prison, even if they make the complaint. Hopefully now, with the new Coercive and Controlling Behaviour crime, they will stop and deal with DV in a more intelligent fashion, and not just react to the indoctrination that only a woman can be a victim.

 

Caidian J: "This happened to one of my best friends just yesterday. He was on the phone and he told me that his girlfriend spent 12 hours at his house hurling abuse at him punching and kicking him, she hit him with her shoe which was sharp, and then was screaming at him to stop hitting her when he wasn't . She was making lots of noise and she was stopping him from sleeping and she said that she would get people on to him. In the end he actually called the police and got her arrested. He had told the police that he hit her in order to defend himself and because she was being abusive, I can't believe that this has happened after hearing so many stories about it from all of you guys, I just think it's disgraceful and disgusting."

 

15 Dec 2015

Andy B

"It's only since ***** n I started together that I've started watching EastEnders again. Tonight's episode pulls at my heart strings. Reminding me of my time as a chorister and head chorister, of being homeless and of the Christmases I spent alone and on the streets. Missing my children, turfed out by a psychotic partner who was hooked on drink and drugs. Falsely accused, abused, on a piece of cardboard in a shop doorway or the local park shivering under a tree, heartbreaking and confused as to what I'd done to deserve it. Nothing. It was her. I've never spent a single Christmas with my youngest kids. Ever, never will.

 

Take some time, read this and appreciate all you have this festive season cos for some in those situations it's just another bad day. Pity there no Santa as my one wish would be to spend just one Christmas with ALL my children and loved ones under the same roof together laughing, singing having fun, the way it should have been. I don't expect any of you to understand as none, (not even family) know the full story of the last 11 years, but I do ask you to appreciate all you have this festive season. 😢 Men are abused too."

 

Response from Suffragents: "We do feel for you and if you have this access to a computer have you ever considered being an LIP, see this link. Some universities have Law Departments and even may take on a case for nothing, it is more than you have at the moment."

 

Andy B: "Thank you kindly I'll have a look when I have access to a computer tomorrow via my friends WiFi. I hope you didn't mind my post as I wanted to share and give hope for our brothers in similar situations. After following your advice earlier this year I was able to break away from my abusive ex and am now receiving therapeutic counselling as a victim. I can't thank you enough."

04 Dec 2015

Neil I

"True, I was attacked by my wife while she was drunk as a result ended up with black eye with cut to side of it, scratches down my left arm and as I was naked scratches all the way across my groin yet I was charged with assault because I pushed her away, at court it was thrown out yet a restraining order she took out remained in place. I have joint custody of our children yet she won't let me see them totally unfair I was advised to press charges against her but when I tried was given a warning for wasting police time so had to get a solicitor involved that was May last year I've paid over £7000 and still not seen my 3 daughters and had no apology from police even though I'm now pressing charges it's ridiculous."

04 Dec 2015

Ste H

"Because only women are victims of abuse... as far as the politicians are concerned... it's political suicide to stand up for men's rights... if you're female you can ring the police say your partner shouted at you... they will arrest him... if the male does the same he will be dismissed no matter how much evidence to show he's being abused... it's completely one sided... if we have nobody in parliament, ie. a minister for men, then we will always be ignored... and 4 million children will continue to live in a fatherless home... child abuse and neglect will continue to rise... attachment disorders will continue to rise dramatically... and children and loving fathers will continue to be abused."

04 Dec 2015

Caroline J H

"Parents and grandparents should have the right to see their children automatically. The archaic family courts need a complete overhaul."

 

Response from Suffragents: "You know that we agree, maybe it is because we are normal and see great injustice against grandchildren."

29 Nov 2015

Gina N

"As a child, a court of law decided that I could no longer see my father and awarded full custody to my Mother. As an adult, I have always enabled my children to have a relationship with their Father, despite our differences, because I know how it feels to miss an absent parent. I have bent over backwards to accommodate this, sometimes at detriment to myself, because having gone through the experience myself as a child, with no say in the matter, I vowed I would never inflict that pain on my own children. And I'm so glad I did. Children are not pawns to be used in a game. To all of you out there, be that Mother OR Father, who use their children to score points against your Ex, DON'T!! You are doing your children a great disservice, one they don't deserve. YOU are the adult, behave like one!!"

28 Nov 2015

Yamin Z

"I know one case where the police arrested this innocent man with no previous conviction, based on a false complaint made by his vindictive ex-partner. Their excuse was when it's domestic it's taken very seriously. Only thing is they don't need serious evidence from the woman. Just the mere allegation will do! It's crazy but it's toxic feminism."

26 Nov 2015

Gary P

"All I'd ever wanted was the chance to prove her lies, against me and blatantly about legal issues, that she handily dropped as soon as she had the interim court order in her favour. That one thing, that set of lies, and not being allowed to question them, despite them being obvious, has screwed the rest of my life."

25 Nov 2015

Chris T

"The local police was on my side all of the way as they could not believe how my ex wife was getting away with her continuous lies in court even tho I had the evidence to prove she was lying but Cafcass had the last word for which I was the violent one & not her."

25 Nov 2015

David L

"Living in South Wales, I can tell you that the Police are appalling. I got stabbed with a fork and cut on my arms by a woman and the case was thrown out. Police never sent a photographer, changed my statement and were on speaking terms with my attacker."

21 Nov 2015

Simon W

"The problem is the system really doesn't want to see children torn in half by parents who are separated/divorced so they are still rolling with the idea that one parent should possess the children more than the other. The issue here is, this is what actually makes the parents fight over the children and with massive financial benefits to being the possessor of the children worth thousands of pounds a year in child benefit, tax credits and CSA payments even the most moral of people in that moment of post split up negativity will absolutely destroy their ex for huge financial rewards. This sees children go through childhood with one parent, all sorts of hate preached to them about the other, (because the one who has them has to convince themselves and the children that the other parent deserved what they did to them.) and then probably an adulthood of narcissism, sociopathic tendencies and depression, anxiety and problems with forming relationships of their own because at an age where they needed unconditional love and an example of a healthy adult relationship, they were treated like property and only saw hate and selfish greed from the people who should have been their role models."

15 Nov 2015

Paul D

"I was stopped by the metropolitan police when returning home and told that I was not allowed to go home as my wife (now ex-wife) had made allegations of domestic violence and feared for her safety, I told them this was not true and I could prove so, they were not interested in what I had to say, because she didn't want to make any charges against me there was no need for my side of the story, it was irrelevant! I said if I am not being arrested surely I am entitled to return home? I was told that if I tried to return home I would be arrested for disturbing the peace, I said I haven't done anything to disturb the peace? Refusing to do as they have told me would be a disturbance of the peace! My solicitor told me I should make a complaint, metropolitan police had nothing on record and said it was Essex police, Essex police said the same thing, so how do you complain about something that never happened?"

13 Nov 2015

Alison L

"I think a woman's voice should be heard, I have never agreed with women who have made a totally selfish decision for their children who are clearly loved by their dads, otherwise you wouldn't be on here, Women can be very bitter and use their children, brainwash them and claim all sorts of things, men should have more of a right in their child's life, what the women are doing is mentally abusing and emotionally too, where again is our country's values."

07 Oct 2015

Craig J

"I put up with it from my ex, where lost many friends, had no life and I obtained many stab wounds, concussions & broken ribs, but when I challenged her in court for visiting rights of my children all that had been done to me was used against me as the courts were presented evidence to say that I was the perpetrator not her, (even though it was my medical/police records they were apparently presenting). But every time I made a complaint against her to the police after assaulting me she would simply say that I had hit her, and the police would then ignore me and again even though I was the victim !! I wasn't given chance to defend myself and ultimately I lost my life."

 

Suffragents comment requests equality from the Police. Those who are paid by the people to look after the people and not be swayed by ‘innocent’ women. Maybe the Police went on a Course about the Duluth Model that says that men have to accept that they are at fault by just being men!!!

23 Aug 2015

Anonymous

"I was in a physically and mentally abusive marriage. My ex wife slept with at least 6 members of my battalion that I know of, 'our' child turned out not to be mine. I was kicked, punched, burnt with cigarettes, made to feel f***ing worthless. I am ashamed to say I retaliated once, when she had me backed into a corner and was trying to hack me with a meat cleaver. I was the one arrested, it was ME who was locked in a custody suite and interviewed like a criminal. Their attitude changed instantly when I showed them the bruises both fresh and old on my body where she'd kicked me with steel toe capped boots. And yet there are some who think violence by women on men is because the man is soft ... F***ing b*llocks. I was brought up to respect women and never to lift a finger to them."

07 Jul 2015

Abdul R D

"This is very sad. Men are regularly abused, intimidated, threatened and made to feel unsafe with regular insults in own homes. We never dream of reporting our partners for this why because we love and cherish them. It would be great if both partners realised the pain they cause each other and worked together by having face to face dialogue in a public place if required to practically deal with issues quickly rather than going through complicated, time and cost intensive proceedings which only have a nasty effect on health, mind and cause emotional distress for both partners and children. This only breaks down the relationship between children and parents adding to the family crisis this is clearly not in anyone's interest."

06 Jul 2015

James A B

"I did suffer mental abuse yet was treated as the abuser by my now ex-wife and her friends. I had evidence of abusive texts and emails from my ex both before and after we split and emails from her friends. I received numerous silent phone calls at all times, I noted the times and duration of the calls. The police did nothing, they weren't interested in the slightest."

06 Jul 2015

Nicholas F

"I used to have respect for the police but after being assaulted by my soon to be ex wife they were useless. After 6 months they still haven't facilitated collecting my belongings from my house after I said she slammed my head in the door in front of my children the last time I tried to collect my possessions and they even said there wasn't much they could do even though she admitted she was so angry that she lent forwards and touched me on the arm 3 times and didn't throw an iPad she placed it in my hand....... Oh yeah because when people are so angry they often result to a touch on the arm and handing an item to people.... I even tried to raise a complaint about the way it was handled and both times they didn't even return my calls... Bridgewater police should be ashamed of themselves and their complaints procedure is designed to stop you complaining."

06 Jul 2015

Darren T

"Can any help me with info, I'm not with my ex wife anymore and she's stopped me seeing my little girl a year ago.  I've sent solicitors letters and mediation letters she's ignored both.  The question I'd like to ask is am I entitled to school photos from the school. Thanks for any info."

 

06 Jul 2015

Jamie T

"I got arrested over harassment they come and took my phone, I had all the stress of waiting why I was on bail, last week the bail got cancelled so clearly I was in the right, she was harassing me, now if I want to make a complaint I have to go to Wales, but I bet they ain’t nicked her for wasting police time."

05 Jul 2015

Darren T

"So sad that this is so wide spread. Thought I was being victimised and it was personal."

 

Response from Suffragents: "Hi Darren, unfortunately you are not alone and I do not know what the problem is that you are suffering. There are some legal firms that 'specialise' in helping men to fight prejudices and bias or you could investigate McKenzie Friends if you are forced to fight alone."

05 Jul 2015

Dez R

"Try being me. I'm in court after my ex grabbed me, sank her nails into my arm, cut me and left me bleeding, but I'm the one facing assault because I put one hand in each of her shoulders and moved her 1 single foot to the left so I could remove myself from her grip."

05 Jul 2015

Ryan T

"After my split from my wife she stopped me seeing my 3 children just because she knew it would hurt me ... it has been 6 years now and it is still as painful and heartbreaking as day 1 ... she poisoned them against me and my family, illegally changed their surname just to stop them knowing that they are part of me ... I had to give up fighting through court when legal aid stopped so I didn't have a choice ... They also have 2 half sisters that they've never met n it upsets me not knowing when or if I'll see them again soon. .. I'm at a dead end and wish I could fight again. Love my children and wish I could tell them."

30 Jun 2015

Suffragents

"Why should decent fathers have to fight strangers who do not know him in court because of lies about him from a malicious spouse? The breakdown of democracy is when we justify secret courts, yet we are always being told that as people we have Human Rights? These two statements are directly opposite , Why?"

21 Jun 2015

Alex V

"The social worker (assessment officer) put in her court papers "95% of DV is caused by the male and when the female instigates it is important to understand what the male has done to provoke her". I paraphrase but do not exaggerate. I complained to Head of Service and was told that because she had quoted a study that allegedly backs this crap up it was perfectly acceptable. The same lying devious witch doubted my assumption of SSRI induced hypomania to explain my Wife's extreme personality shift. The psychologist (in one of many meetings I was excluded from) confirmed that the medication could indeed be at the root of it. I learned this after the final hearing when my FOI finally 3 months late came through with the minutes of the various meetings I had been excluded from. Yet my name was on them all with apologies from, unable to attend. I had complained to Head of Service about being excluded from meetings and was told I wasn't. Yet there is the proof. They lie and lie and lie. They insisted the police arrested me when my wife flipped out. They buried information that supported me. They are evil agenda driven liars."

20 Jun 2015

Richard Di

"No father is treated fairly. The System is biased all the way. It is all about what is best for the mother not what is best for the child."

13 May 2015

Richard W

"I have one of my four children living with me my ex said she didn’t want him and has gone on to have another  children. Social Services are involved because her partner assaulted one of my kids who still lives with her. So says my son who lives with me who has suffered emotional abuse from being abandoned by his mother. My ex won’t let me see my other kids but Social Services make me let her see the one who lives with me. It’s been over 2 years since I saw them and I can’t work now because of my parenting duties and can’t get legal aid. Am I wrong in thinking this is seriously screwed up!"

09 Apr 2015

Richie B

"Is your son’s ex related to mine is she??? The disguised FB name is because I get stalked amongst other things. I haven't seen my 3 children ages 4-10 now for 15 months. Down to poisonous lies in court. Down to finances I had to represent myself and I never had a chance because the appearance of a loving father over the course of 10 months in court doesn't supersede the one sided law in a woman's favour."

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